Well...it happened.

I finally dumped by girlfriend.

Some of you have been witness on these boards to the struggles we've experienced the past few months in our relationships and last night just topped it off. She's gone behind my back for the last time. She's not and never was the person I thought. I showed up at the guy's apartment, and she answered the door, I think that memory will stay with me forever.

Her: "James, what're you doing here?"
Me: (handing her the bracelet she got me for Christmas that said 'Love Always' and her name on the back) "Don't ever call me, talk to me, or try to see me again. This is over. It's finished. Done."
Her: "What's going on?"
Me: "It's over. It's fucking over."

I turned...and left. She called. I didn't answer.

I was right though. It's done. Now I have to face that frightening thought of being alone again...you know, it's not even being alone. It's being without HER. I had so many dreams I thought I would fulfill with her...and now those are dead. Now comes the hard part. Throughout the day, as the reality of my situation sinks in, I will become increasingly depressed. If I can get through this next week...I think I can make it.

Wish me luck.

Believe me, you did the right thging. Don't look at it as being without her. Think of it as being free of the person she's become.

Hold in there bro'. Take it from me, it does get easier and you nerver know what's around the next hill :)

I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better, I guess there is nothing anyone can.

I do have one piece of advice to give you though, never, ever think about trying to undone what you have done. I've tried that one and it leads to the same mistakes again and again. You cannot build a new relationship filled with love, trust and respect on an unstable foundation.

One other thing.......you are worth your weight in gold, we all can see that, so just you remember that when your beating yourself up and are feeling down.

If you want a chat you know where I am * hugs and cuddles*



p.s listen to frank ........If there's anyone who can prove to you that things do get better, it's him.....although he has had one too many if you go by his spellings. lol

I know guys. I appreciate your support.

Part of me knows I'll be okay and eventually will be happy again.

But after four years of feeling the exact same way (love towards someone, only towards them) it's frightening to think of being without them.

I mean, I can't pick up where I was before I met her. I didn't even have this MB ffs! I was a completely different person...I've grown up so much in the past four years...and it was all with her.

I'm not thinking of undoing what's happened. It can't be. You're right. I can NEVER trust her...and that means it will never work.

well Im glad to hear that :)

Me and a certain someone never had any trust, plus I was allowed to do exactly what I wanted.....I was spoilt rotten, the more I was given the more I took. It is a bad formula for a good relationship


We all make mistakes when we are young....hell Ive being making them for years and Im old.......it's how we learn to develop better relationships. :)

I just possibly had the hardest coversation of my life.

It wasn't mean, it wasn't nasty. It wasn't filled with hate. Because frankly, I'm not full of any of those things. I love her. I always will. But I told her, this just can't be.

She agreed. She couldn't keep hurting me, she said. She hated herself more by the day.

I told her, that hopefully someday we could manage to be friends, because there are so many things I love about her...I'd hate to lose her completely. But I didn't think a relationship like this was possible anymore.

She agreed. Said she loved me dearly.

Then we hung up, both crying. Both hurting. Both wanting nothing else but for things to be good again.

But they can't be. They never will be. Not between us.

God help me now.

You will get there in the end James.......we will all help you as much as we can.


Keep your chin up baby :)

Well I'm still making mistakes even though I just hit 30 a week ago, BUT, they are only mistakes if you don't learn from them! I don't seem able to learn from them or I'd be a married, millionaire by now, I just hope to God you can learn sir.

Always think of yourself and ask "What's right for James?" cos it's you that matters. My opinion (for what it's worth) is that you are now far better off than you were with her....it may take you some time to really feel it - just don't treat the next lady in your life as though she is this one! Not all of them are deviant, backstabbing and unfaithful - you deserve better man and it will come to you in time!

::HUGS!!:: You're not alone, dear. Most of us on the SoC board have been down this lane a time or two, in our own way, and can tell you that this [b:e406774a61]will[/b:e406774a61] pass. You know where to find us when you need us. :)

When my first husband came to me and said he was going to leave me and his daughter, I was stunned. I never saw it coming, well, I would have had I been more aware. One thing I said to him was "I feel like I've wasted 7 yrs.!", in the heat of my anger and sorrow.

My emotions quickly passed into bewilderment over the next few weeks as I made arrangements for living with my parents and the sale of our home. Then, for the next year and a half, I lived like a zombie, letting each day roll over me. I was crossing the road to my father's house when it seemed that life smacked me right in the nose and I "woke up" to life again. A year. later I met Richard. 20 yrs. of wedded happiness have come and gone and I've never looked back.

The upshot of this little story of mine is that several years later (after Gary and I were seperated and divorced and I'd met Richard) I came to the realization that NOTHING, in life, is ever wasted. I eventually apologized to Jan's dad for those unfortunate words. How, on earth, could I know the real thing when I had it, if I'd never experienced the opposite??? Trust me, Richard is, was and always will be, the real thing. :D

I am happy to say, that Gary and I did manage to achieve a good footing with each other after our breakup. The divorce, 3 yrs. later, was a good one. We were lucky, in an age where splits are often nasty. He was a good husband to me and a wonderful father to his daughter while it lasted, but our lives took different paths. Now he, too, is married again with two children (not his own) and is as content as I am.

Funny thing, I've never stopped loving Gary but it's changed. Perhaps to a respect, perhaps into a fondness for what once was. It hurt like hell at the time and, in some small ways, it still hurts. He was my first [b:e406774a61]real[/b:e406774a61] love and when he left, he took a part of my soul. Believe me when I say, that some one, some day, will come along and give it back to you. :)

::HUGS!! again::

[quote:cb9a8a4d74="Gabriel"]
I mean, I can't pick up where I was before I met her. I didn't even have this MB ffs! I was a completely different person...I've grown up so much in the past four years...and it was all with her.
[/quote:cb9a8a4d74]

Perhaps, but it was not BECAUSE of her that you changed. IT was YOUR doing.

Trust me on this. I have been where you are. I have been at the lowest ebb....where ending my then-so-called-life seemed the simplest option. But I didn't pick the easy way out.

You will always have your good memories of her those will NEVER disappear. But what you have to concentrate on now is like Ray said "What's good for James?" And that isn't her, as much as it'll pain you.

My mother always says things happen for a reason. She's a great believer in fate....wish I shared her faith...well ok I do. My point is you are young, moving upwards like a rocket, and you are a great guy. Hell if I was ten years younger....well you get my meaning ;)

James you are one of our best....we will all do what little we can to help.

Love, for all it's greatness and light, can also hurt more than any wound. But it DOES get better. IF you let it.

[b:4df4906fd2]GOD![/b:4df4906fd2] Where were YOU guys when I could have used you!!

You couldn't be in better hands, Gabe!! ::group HUG!!::

I think I'll go and find a hankie and blot my ey....I mean blow my nose! :shock:

See I told you James.....we are all here to help and offer advice, comfort etc.

You will get through this and believe me you will be stronger and have a different outlook on life when you do :)

One more word of wisdom......don't let anger/betrayal spoil the good memories that you do have :)


Love as always xoxoxoxo

Thanks so much. All of you. Really.

I'm in tears right now. (oh fuck this is too emotional for this MB!!!)

I think part of the difficulty is that I don't hate her. I wish I did. If I hated her, I could just go on with the pain and live through it without an alternative. But as it is, I still love her, and her me. And so it's hard not to give into temptation and just be like, "Fuck it all! Let's get back together!!!". But I know that's not the right way. I love her, and I always will...but this is how it MUST be.

Thanks all of you for your support. You truly are my family, and I love you all.

Shit man, Im sorry. Not to repeat what everyone else is saying, but you did the right thing, be strong and hold on to what you think is right. If you ever need someone to talk, Ill be there dude.

Chris

we are your extended family :)

Hope your feeling ok. Just remember to take one day at a time and if you catch yourself feeling maudlin try to think of something positive, even if it's a case of looking in the mirror and saying to yourself "Damn it James you are looking good today" :)

I'll be around most of today.....it is our xmas eve today so I'm getting ready for all 4 kids to come round. I'll be busy baking etc so give me a shout if you want a chat :)

* hugs*